The last month of my life has been rather shaky and quite honestly pretty scary and painful. I’ve spent countless hours between three different specialists offices and had endless testing, labs, & procedures done. I’ve been given some scary news and left with a lot of uncertainty as of yet. Yes, another vague blog. The people we have opted to share my personal medical problems with are in the know, and I still choose to not publicly share the details of my health online. Especially since only one of our four children know some of the details of what’s going on. My husband and I both agree, our girls are far too young to understand or to even have to.
So while my life may feel like it’s in a bit of a shamble full of endless fear and uncertainty it’s also full of a lot of faith and hope. My faith has never been so strong. While scared, I still hold out a lot of hope as well. I’m seeing some of the best specialist around. I have absolutely learned that the people we have in our lives are the ones that belong in it. I can’t even begin to get over the support system we have. First and foremost my husband and my mom, obviously. Who live right here and experience it with me daily. The ones that never once let me think even for a moment that I’m going through this alone. They are picking up my slack when I’m weak. They encourage me when I need it. And they wipe my tears when I just need to let it out. My mom helps me all day with Bitty and with Aub & Mad after school while Matt is at work. She just spent the last week being my personal driver getting me to appointments all over town. Dad & Gina came all the way out here just to spend two days with me and to bring me to have a spinal tap done. Susie skipped a weekend at her ranch house just to go sit with me at an appointment to get some results. Our parents have been so supportive whether in the same house or as far as six hundred miles away. My children, without knowingly doing so bring me the greatest joy ever and will forever be my world! Little do they know they single handedly are my reason to keep pushing forward to get through this. Then there are our friends and relatives. Matt’s cousin had a floral fruit arrangement at my door within hours of telling her what was going on. I’ve got certain friends & relatives that somehow manage to check on me every single day. One friend always asks when my next appointment is and what time ,and it never fails when I’m on my way I get a message with just a heart or a smiley face. One friend is always up late at night when our husbands and our children are asleep and we talk about any and everything when we can’t seem to sleep. She’s just good for my soul and probably helps me more than she knows. Some send me Bible verses, that is something I especially love! Some have insight or know someone who have been through a similar situation. Some are just a shoulder to lean on. Some remind me that it’s okay that I’m forgetful, especially even more so these days due to one of my new medications. Yesterday Matt checked the mail and there were two thing in it for me. One was from my bestie in San Antonio, wasn’t expecting a package from her, so that really confused me. And one was a thick envelope from my specialist, which always means more referrals, which always mean more doctors. Not enough of those currently in my life. I of course opened the box from Em first and I instantly started to cry, happy tears this time. It was a box of “SUNSHINE”! She knows I’ve been being slammed lately, especially in this last week with daily appointments and not always the greatest of news and here sat a box full of goodies from a gal I simply adore that lives 30+ minutes away, that took the time to throw together a fun silly box of things to make me smile. With a silly picture of the two of us and a simple note that said “Hello Sunshine I love you!”. I am so incredibly in debt to the people that have been keeping me up, when I could easily just feel down. To the ones that have continuously shown me their love and support in each of their own special ways and all have meant the world to me. Really, I hope you all know how much you are really pulling me through these scary times! I may have my struggles and fears, but I refuse to loose sight of just how truly blessed I am!
How “crunchy” are you? I am “guilty” of 23 out of the 38, according to this blog. And there are many things that aren’t on this list that I do that I am frequently called a hippie or crunchy for (especially by my teenage son, who seems quite amused by some of my ways). Does this make me a better mom than another? I don’t think so. Am I trying to be better than anyone else? Not in the least! These are things I have started doing over the years that just “works” for our family. Does this make me “crunchy” I guess so, and I’m not phased or offended by the title really. I guess I sort of think the phrase is likely just a trend. However, when this trend fades away, I have no intentions of throwing out my homemade supplies that I have loved since day one. Maybe my ways cause a few to think I am quirky or different, so to speak. But at the end of the day it doesn’t change how I feel about myself, nor does how someone else views me. My husband embraces the things I do for our family that may seem odd to others. In fact he encourages it. I can’t tell you how many articles he has forwarded to me or asked me if I have heard of a certain terminology to see if I’d like to add it to our routines. How crunchy I am, if I am crunchier than another mama, or being compared to another doesn’t concern me. I am the best mama I can be to these crazy four little monsters and that’s all that matters to me. If a friend or family member reaches out to me or ask me for advice I am thrilled to help them or offer my views on a topic. But I never want someone I care about (or anyone for that matter) to think I expect them to follow suit. So I’m a crunchy mama right now, and I am good with the so called title. I don’t even mind calling myself crunchy. More importantly I am the crunchy mama to the four most beautiful people I know. Really when it comes down to it I wish moms didn’t feel the need for competing and trying to out do each other or to require a title to do what we feel is right for our family. Really, what are we teaching our children in doing so? Not the lessons in life I strive to teach mine, that’s for sure. I’ve had others do it to me. Of course the source of comparison isn’t worth my time or effort. I don’t care if another is a better mom than me, especially if it is the view of another person that I don’t value the opinion of. In my opinion we are all different people, different families, live in different circumstances , have different incomes, different religions, have different life styles, and so on and so forth. How or why would we possibly want to be compared to another or even stoop to a level of doing so? Not this lady!