Date night, August, & reflection

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So my love took me on a date to celebrate my birthday. After a sushi dinner & a drink we went to see “August: Osage County”. I had been anxious to see it since I saw a preview for it a few weeks ago, which is very rare for me. It was an interesting movie that we both enjoyed. I have been exposed to some really dysfunctional families, but this one takes the cake! Just when you think they couldn’t possibly be worse, you discover you were wrong! So much sadness in one family. I couldn’t even fathom such an extremely toxic environment. After watching this movie and trying to really absorb it all you can’t help but to think about your own family. No family is perfect, even in the most perfect of family portraits. While it is said “blood is thicker than water”. I tend to disagree. I think it’s genuine bonds & unconditional love that provides the strongest happiest family ties. Our “family” may be an interesting mix. Some by blood. Others began with friendship and grew to be much more. But we love them all and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Life is so peaceful these days, and we are so thankful.

When we left for our date our monsters were all four watching a movie together. When we got home Bunny was our only monster still awake and happily hanging out with her maw-maw. Such a blessing the bond our 4 lil monsters share with her. We seldom have date nights, since we prefer spending our time with our kiddos. But on the rare occasion that we do it’s comforting knowing that our monsters enjoy hanging out with maw-maw while we have a little us time.20140110-231943.jpg

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“What do you do all day?”

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My rad friend, Heather, forwarded this blog to me because she said it made her think of me. If only all men felt this way about their wives. Thankfully my husband is a huge advocate of my choice to be a stay at home mom to our 4 lil monsters. Put in my shoes for a day or two if I am sick in bed and he doesn’t hesitate to let me know how in awe he is of my ability “to make it look easy”. I don’t know about all of that. It’s not always an easy task. Occasionally, often needing to be pushed into it, I do need a mama break. But when some folks, very sadly some other mom’s, have the mentality that stay at home mom’s are weak or don’t work as hard as them, let me be the first to tell you are insanely wrong! Get the image of soap operas & bon bons while my monsters run around in the street out of your head. I can’t even remember the last soap opera or talk show I have watched. I have had shows dvr’d for months that I haven’t found time to watch! Generally our tv is on Disney junior as background noise all day with no one actually watching it. Don’t get me wrong. I am far from bashing a mama’s right or will to work. That is not what this blog is about. It is just so frustrating that so many folks sincerely believe a stay at home mom is lazy or “has it easy”. I wake up and get my monster’s off to school. Take care of my toddlers, errands, cleaning, cooking, and what have you all day. I don’t clock out at 5 and that’s a wrap. My “job” is 24/7 and quite frankly I don’t get paid near enough and a raise or promotion is not in my future. Yet I’ll say it again, I have never had a more rewarding job and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so blessed that my husband has the ability to provide for us so that me being a stay at home mom is an option. My monsters can drive me crazy like no other. But I adore being able to be here and not miss so many precious moments that I missed when Budah was little and I was a single working mama. I love watching my daughter get on the bus, dropping the other one off, my son having the option to homeschool, and being the one to hug this precious little bitty every morning when she wakes up. Being a stay at home mama is not for the “weak”. It’s not always giggles & smiles. Nearly daily I am faced with tantrums, attitude, and arguing siblings. I don’t leave for a 9-5 to get a break from the chaos. I get to deal with it head on all day every single day. But the memories, smiles, hugs, and quality time with my monsters makes even the craziest days worth it. So before you’re quick to look at a stay at home mom and think we do nothing and have it easy, step back and look at the bigger picture. Maybe even give a mama a compliment for all that she does and sacrifices for her monsters, because we are pretty hardcore if you ask me.20131214-074329.jpg

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7 reasons to stop proving yourself to everyone else

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A friend of mine posted this article that completely sums up the reality my husband and I came to a while back. I seriously couldn’t have summed up how we have come to feel about our lives any better. You will never please everyone, it simply isn’t possible. But at the end of the day if we’re still happy with who we are, well we must have finally figured it out. It’s a fabulous feeling when you finally come to term with these seven steps. I no longer feel the need to try to make people like or accept me. I know I am a genuine person. I will forever be misunderstood. But the folks that matter know me and I am thankful to have them in my life.

I shared the article below. But there are many other fantastic reads on their blog to check out: marcandangel.com

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You have nothing to prove to anyone else, because…

1. The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.
In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not. In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others. The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by. Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

2. No one else really knows what’s best for YOU.
Don’t lose yourself in your search for acceptance by others. Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going. You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all. Speak your truth even if your voice shakes. By being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before. You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path – when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others. You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds from firsthand experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission. (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)

3. YOU are the only person who can change YOUR life.
In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you. It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality.

What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

4. Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.
When you find yourself trapped between what moves you and what society tells you is right for you, always travel the route that makes you feel alive – unless you want everyone to be happy, except you. No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that – material things don’t matter. Don’t chase the money. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” and “Simplicity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5. Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.
Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top. Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step. Don’t rush through your life and miss it. Forget where everyone else is in relation to you. This isn’t a race. You get there a little at a time, not all at once.

Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

6. The path to all great things passes through failure.
You are an ever-changing work in progress. You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong. Screwing up is part of the process. Looking like a fool sometimes is the only way forward. If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth. You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way.

It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward. In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that reach their dreams. YOU can be one of them. (Read The Last Lecture.)

7. It’s impossible to please everyone anyway.
Some people will always tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right. Don’t be one of them, and don’t put up with them.

When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to hate them. Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they say and do, because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.

Afterthoughts
You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now. You have nothing to prove. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

The floor is yours…
How has the desire to be accepted by others interfered with your life? What has it stopped you from doing or being? How have you coped? Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
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Her big blue eyes

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Made my fam pancakes for breakfast before we headed out to Bunny’s homecoming game to watch her get crowned & cheer. Then my Hubster and I ran a few errands and went to have lunch with our lil ones before we finally headed home. I cleaned the game room and put away laundry for what I’m sure was the 100th time in the last week. School clothes laid out & monsters sleeping.

I have had a heavy heart most of the evening. Can’t seem to stop thinking about my maw-maw. She would have adored these little ladies as much as she did Budah. I really miss her voice, contagious laughter, her stunning smile, her big blue eyes that Bitty was blessed with too, and those hugs of her’s an awful lot these days.

I think it’s just time for this mama to take a quick bath and get some over due sleep. Of course after I enjoy some time with my love first. I always look forward to our quiet nights together. 20131027-213458.jpg

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That isn’t a dream…

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Something happened today that really triggered a childhood memory I haven’t been able to shake all day. Today Matt and I went to have lunch with his best friend/brother, Phil, and three of our monsters. There was a group of ladies sitting behind us. As they were leaving one of them stopped and started talking to Bitty & Buggie. She was very nice, yet possibly a little too touchy feely. So much so that she even kissed our children. It wasn’t so much her touching them or even giving them a kiss. It was her voice. The way she looked. How she was right up in their personal space full of comments about how beautiful they were to her. It was an instant flash back to a neighbor that lived by my maw-maw. She was a little old Cuban woman that was always in my face. Always talking about my beautiful blue eyes and how much she just adored me. She always hugged on me and kissed on me. She would just walk in my maw-maw’s house calling out Miss Gin! I never really knew what it was about her that always made me cringe my entire childhood until I moved in with my maw-maw. Suddenly I saw her daily. I heard that voice calling out to me all the time if we were outside at the same time. She continued to walk into our home unannounced. Then I started having this reoccurring dream. I would be in her house. Laying in a dark room with only a hallway light. My cousin that is just a little older than me would be right next to me. I remember crying. Being so frightened. And then she would come down that hallway and put a pillow over my face and start slapping me as she yelled at me to stop crying. I couldn’t breathe and I was so young. Why would someone do this to a young tot? I would wake up hysterical from this dream. It seemed to happen all the time. Finally I called my cousin who then lived in another state. I started telling her about this dream I kept having. Then the next thing I knew she cut me off and finished my story. I will never ever forget hearing her say “honey that isn’t a dream. You are finally remembering what she did to us when we were little and she babysat us”. I had suddenly felt a rage well up in me that I had never felt before. How could this woman that was practically like family, that lived there when my mom was a child, have done such horrendous things to two innocent children? I knew then I would never be able to look at her the same. My maw-maw cried when I told her. But at this point really what could have been done? I stopped talking to her when she came over. I would head straight to my room the moment I heard her voice in our living room. Then one day I was sitting in my bedroom with a friend and we heard a car engine flying towards the house and slammed into the huge flagpole that was directly in front of my bedroom and prevented the car from hitting the house. I jumped up and ran towards the front door screaming out to my maw-maw “someone just hit the flag pole!”. When I hit the edge of the porch I stopped dead in my tracks as I watched the woman pull her bloody face off of the windshield. We locked eyes. It was her. I just stood there staring at her. Knowing that this is the woman my family trusted to care for me as a child and had broke that trust. Knowing that ever since I remembered these things I had been thrown into being claustrophobic instantly. I turned right around and walked back in the house. I never regretted doing it. Maybe I should have been the better person. But I was still basically a child trying to come to grips with something I could never change. I have no doubt from that exact moment she knew I remembered. When I had my first child I never allowed her near him. Maybe she was a frail old woman at that point. But I just didn’t trust her around him. After my maw-maw passed away in 1998 I haven’t seen her again. But today a flood of emotions hit me. My husband even noticed the out of the ordinary fear in my eyes. I was polite to the woman, but battling a fear I couldn’t control. I suddenly felt so protective over my children. As I have thought about this memory through the day I felt really upset. To this day I can’t have anyone put their hands near my face. Playing with my children I feel panicked and like I can’t breathe if they joke and throw a pillow in my direction. Elevators scare me. It’s really frustrating. That something that happened to me so many years ago still has this hold on me. It makes me wonder if that is part of why I never have anyone watch our monsters. There is literally only a hand full of people that our monsters have stayed with. I don’t go through life thinking everyone is out to harm them of course. There is just this side of me that never wants to be away from them. Always wanting to be close by. I am thankful to the few that do keep an eye on them once in a blue moon for not taking offense to my frequent calls and text to check on them. I know they know I never would have left our monsters in their care if I didn’t trust them whole heartedly. I pray I will someday be able to come to grips with this part of my life. I look at my monsters and can’t fathom someone doing such hateful things to them. Then when I think about it, my cousin in the exact way with her children. At this point in my life I don’t wish any ill will towards the lady. I have learned to forgive her. I guess that is one step in the right direction. 20131004-215216.jpg

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50 parenting lessons

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My friend sent this to me this morning and it was too funny not to share!

50 PARENTING LESSONS

1. Super glue has no place in a house with young children. (Lord could you even imagine that chaos?)
2. Neither do Sharpie’s. (been there done that!)

3. There is no such thing as allowing your kid to play with your phone “just once.” (thank goodness for my lifeproof case)

4. Don’t use Google to diagnose illnesses. Ever. (Seriously! You’ll discover you are dying in almost every situation!)

5. Dollar store toys cost far more than a dollar in frustration, anguish and regret. (Unless there is a tantrum involved)

6. The terrible twos are bullshit. The terribleness lasts through at least age four. Or, forever. (I’m pretty sure Budah is still rocking the terrible 2’s)

7. Always carry wipes, long after diaper wearing has ended. (no really, ALWAYS!)

8. Resist purchasing character Bandaids, unless you’re prepared to buy a box a week. (our rule of thumb is I need to see blood, and even if there isn’t blood and their need for one is dyer enough they get it. Of course I have to buy superhero bandaids for Buggie and foo foo ones for Bunny, and I never ever only buy one box at a time)

9. You can never have too many Goldfish. The crackers, not the live ones. (I’ve had to search for one too many look alike fish that I had to flush)

10. Don’t buy bunk beds, unless you have absolutely no choice. (the girls want them now, I don’t know how I feel about that)

11. Keep track of who gave what at birthday parties. (I like to write it down as my monsters open gifts and/or get pictures of my monster with the person that gave them said gift)

12. Never stock batteries in your house, or you will be forced to make obnoxiously loud toys work once again. (hide all batteries!)

13. Buy Mr. Clean Erasers in bulk. (I know I should)

14. Backup all photos. Better yet, print them. (I’m really slacking on the printing bit)

15. Look in the oven before you turn it on. (This has always been a habit of mine)

16. There is no point in making beds. (this makes me laugh. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have had a monster climbing on a bed as I am making it!)

17. Accept the fact that you will turn into your mother. (Don’t tell anyone, ha ha)

18. Always check pockets before washing clothes. (If I find money it belongs to me. I teach them at a early age to check their own pockets. Who has time for that when you are washing clothes for so many people?)

19. There is no such thing as “running” into Target with children. (Let’s be honest, there is really no running in to Target even by myself)

20. Take more video. (Something I always try to remind myself)

21. Daily baths are overrated. (Laughing because Buggie cried because I didn’t let her take a second bath last night)

22. Find young babysitters and groom them. The less attractive, the better. (no thanks)

23. Always have ample one dollar bills on hand for lost teeth and bribery. (how many times I have had to run out for cash in the middle of the night you’d think I’d learn my lesson on this one)

24. Carry plenty of emergency snacks in the car. (I even keep snacks in my purse for them)

25. Keep expensive cosmetics out of arm’s reach. Arm’s reach, on a stool and tippy toes. (I could put it on the ceiling, if they want it they will find their way up there!)

26. The four year old check-up is brutal. (Since we just went through this a few months ago this is still a fresh one for me and I’m sure Buggie too)

27. Look before you sit down to pee. (Since Budah started potty training I trained myself on this one. Seriously turn on the light and look!)

28. Train your children to clean up all Lego’s before bed, knowing that nothing is more painful than stepping on a Lego with a bare foot at midnight. (Legos & jax are a no go in this house! Mega blocks are still a tad iffy in my book and they know if I step on it I trash it)

29. Save “no” for when it really matters. (So much truth to this sentence!)

30. Over-apply sunscreen. (I drive my monsters crazy with sun block. But since skin cancer runs in my family they are just going to have to suck it up)

31. Practice caution when approaching that stray raisin on the floor. It’s probably not a raisin. (I only laugh because this happened to my sister! Even worse, she thought her dog was about to eat chocolate  that Bitty dropped, sorry sis!)

32. Never pay full price for kids clothes. They always go on sale and the expensive ones inevitably get ruined first. (Yes, I’m guilty of paying full price a majority to the time. $300 less in our account after fall clothes shopping yesterday, eek! But I do love resale shops! Monsters grow so fast that 98% of the time the clothes are like new anyway and a fraction of the price. And that leaves more money to do fun things with our monsters!)

33. There’s a reason why people surprise their kids with trips to Disney: Their anticipation may kill you. (Note to self: DON’T tell the monsters when we plan this one)

34. Don’t take their word for it when children say they don’t need to pee before leaving the house. (Seriously, they are lying! Make them pee again!)

35. Lock your bedroom door. (I’m almost certain our monsters have a key to our bedroom either that or they are ninjas!)

36. And, your bathroom one. (I’m so thankful that I have a bedroom door between my monsters and my bathroom door. Though who am I kidding, I almost always have Bitty sitting in my lap! What mom gets to pee by them self really?)

37. Never open a can of soda handed to you by a child. (Thank God I don’t by soda, this fact made me cringe, ha ha)

38. Walk away from temper tantrums. Or, record them for future enjoyment. (I do both. But I am learning to not give in to the tantrums and noticing they are fewer and farer between since I’ve started this habit)

39. Upset as you may be, hair grows back. (and eyebrows too, don’t ask)

40. But, not on Barbie dolls, so hide the scissors. (Why do my monsters go for their own hair instead of the stinkin’ barbies?)

41. Never buy more than two pairs of shoes at once. Their feet will inevitably grow once you do. (I’m so guilty of this one!)

42. No matter how hard they promise, kids will never walk that puppy as much as you hoped. (FACT!!!)

43. Give away the books you can’t stand reading. (Why have I not thought of this before?)

44. No child went to college with a pacifier. (While it may drive a few folks crazy that Bitty still rocks hers, Matt & I are okay with it and so is her doctor!)

45. Don’t buy any toy that is meant to come apart, unless they can put it back together themselves. (Unless you have a lot of spare time to be a toy repairmen?)

46. Keep a well-hidden stock of lollipops. (please not the word HIDDEN!)

47. Don’t allow Play-Doh on carpets. Or, indoors, for that matter. (One of the many reasons I insisted on tile floors through the entire downstairs)
48. TV won’t really turn their brains to mush. (My monsters watch tv. But they also play and interact with others. I don’t mind tv here and there but I don’t go for the head in a game system all day and being rude to others that try to talk to you while doing so. Get out, be a kid, run around, use your imagination! I love the creativity of a child!)

49. A bathroom in a house with boys will never smell clean. (Until they have to clean it themselves! Insert evil laughter here!)

50. It doesn’t get easier.. (FACT! But at the same time, I wouldn’t have it any other way! These four lil monsters of ours is my greatest blessings even on the most chaotic of days!20131004-114557.jpg

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