The last month of my life has been rather shaky and quite honestly pretty scary and painful. I’ve spent countless hours between three different specialists offices and had endless testing, labs, & procedures done. I’ve been given some scary news and left with a lot of uncertainty as of yet. Yes, another vague blog. The people we have opted to share my personal medical problems with are in the know, and I still choose to not publicly share the details of my health online. Especially since only one of our four children know some of the details of what’s going on. My husband and I both agree, our girls are far too young to understand or to even have to.

So while my life may feel like it’s in a bit of a shamble full of endless fear and uncertainty it’s also full of a lot of faith and hope. My faith has never been so strong. While scared, I still hold out a lot of hope as well. I’m seeing some of the best specialist around. I have absolutely learned that the people we have in our lives are the ones that belong in it. I can’t even begin to get over the support system we have. First and foremost my husband and my mom, obviously. Who live right here and experience it with me daily. The ones that never once let me think even for a moment that I’m going through this alone. They are picking up my slack when I’m weak. They encourage me when I need it. And they wipe my tears when I just need to let it out. My mom helps me all day with Bitty and with Aub & Mad after school while Matt is at work. She just spent the last week being my personal driver getting me to appointments all over town. Dad & Gina came all the way out here just to spend two days with me and to bring me to have a spinal tap done. Susie skipped a weekend at her ranch house just to go sit with me at an appointment to get some results. Our parents have been so supportive whether in the same house or as far as six hundred miles away. My children, without knowingly doing so bring me the greatest joy ever and will forever be my world! Little do they know they single handedly are my reason to keep pushing forward to get through this. Then there are our friends and relatives. Matt’s cousin had a floral fruit arrangement at my door within hours of telling her what was going on. I’ve got certain friends & relatives that somehow manage to check on me every single day. One friend always asks when my next appointment is and what time ,and it never fails when I’m on my way I get a message with just a heart or a smiley face. One friend is always up late at night when our husbands and our children are asleep and we talk about any and everything when we can’t seem to sleep. She’s just good for my soul and probably helps me more than she knows. Some send me Bible verses, that is something I especially love! Some have insight or know someone who have been through a similar situation. Some are just a shoulder to lean on. Some remind me that it’s okay that I’m forgetful, especially even more so these days due to one of my new medications. Yesterday Matt checked the mail and there were two thing in it for me. One was from my bestie in San Antonio, wasn’t expecting a package from her, so that really confused me. And one was a thick envelope from my specialist, which always means more referrals, which always mean more doctors. Not enough of those currently in my life. I of course opened the box from Em first and I instantly started to cry, happy tears this time. It was a box of “SUNSHINE”! She knows I’ve been being slammed lately, especially in this last week with daily appointments and not always the greatest of news and here sat a box full of goodies from a gal I simply adore that lives 30+ minutes away, that took the time to throw together a fun silly box of things to make me smile. With a silly picture of the two of us and a simple note that said “Hello Sunshine I love you!”. I am so incredibly in debt to the people that have been keeping me up, when I could easily just feel down. To the ones that have continuously shown me their love and support in each of their own special ways and all have meant the world to me. Really, I hope you all know how much you are really pulling me through these scary times! I may have my struggles and fears, but I refuse to loose sight of just how truly blessed I am!