My friend sent this to me this morning and it was too funny not to share!

50 PARENTING LESSONS

1. Super glue has no place in a house with young children. (Lord could you even imagine that chaos?)
2. Neither do Sharpie’s. (been there done that!)

3. There is no such thing as allowing your kid to play with your phone “just once.” (thank goodness for my lifeproof case)

4. Don’t use Google to diagnose illnesses. Ever. (Seriously! You’ll discover you are dying in almost every situation!)

5. Dollar store toys cost far more than a dollar in frustration, anguish and regret. (Unless there is a tantrum involved)

6. The terrible twos are bullshit. The terribleness lasts through at least age four. Or, forever. (I’m pretty sure Budah is still rocking the terrible 2’s)

7. Always carry wipes, long after diaper wearing has ended. (no really, ALWAYS!)

8. Resist purchasing character Bandaids, unless you’re prepared to buy a box a week. (our rule of thumb is I need to see blood, and even if there isn’t blood and their need for one is dyer enough they get it. Of course I have to buy superhero bandaids for Buggie and foo foo ones for Bunny, and I never ever only buy one box at a time)

9. You can never have too many Goldfish. The crackers, not the live ones. (I’ve had to search for one too many look alike fish that I had to flush)

10. Don’t buy bunk beds, unless you have absolutely no choice. (the girls want them now, I don’t know how I feel about that)

11. Keep track of who gave what at birthday parties. (I like to write it down as my monsters open gifts and/or get pictures of my monster with the person that gave them said gift)

12. Never stock batteries in your house, or you will be forced to make obnoxiously loud toys work once again. (hide all batteries!)

13. Buy Mr. Clean Erasers in bulk. (I know I should)

14. Backup all photos. Better yet, print them. (I’m really slacking on the printing bit)

15. Look in the oven before you turn it on. (This has always been a habit of mine)

16. There is no point in making beds. (this makes me laugh. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have had a monster climbing on a bed as I am making it!)

17. Accept the fact that you will turn into your mother. (Don’t tell anyone, ha ha)

18. Always check pockets before washing clothes. (If I find money it belongs to me. I teach them at a early age to check their own pockets. Who has time for that when you are washing clothes for so many people?)

19. There is no such thing as “running” into Target with children. (Let’s be honest, there is really no running in to Target even by myself)

20. Take more video. (Something I always try to remind myself)

21. Daily baths are overrated. (Laughing because Buggie cried because I didn’t let her take a second bath last night)

22. Find young babysitters and groom them. The less attractive, the better. (no thanks)

23. Always have ample one dollar bills on hand for lost teeth and bribery. (how many times I have had to run out for cash in the middle of the night you’d think I’d learn my lesson on this one)

24. Carry plenty of emergency snacks in the car. (I even keep snacks in my purse for them)

25. Keep expensive cosmetics out of arm’s reach. Arm’s reach, on a stool and tippy toes. (I could put it on the ceiling, if they want it they will find their way up there!)

26. The four year old check-up is brutal. (Since we just went through this a few months ago this is still a fresh one for me and I’m sure Buggie too)

27. Look before you sit down to pee. (Since Budah started potty training I trained myself on this one. Seriously turn on the light and look!)

28. Train your children to clean up all Lego’s before bed, knowing that nothing is more painful than stepping on a Lego with a bare foot at midnight. (Legos & jax are a no go in this house! Mega blocks are still a tad iffy in my book and they know if I step on it I trash it)

29. Save “no” for when it really matters. (So much truth to this sentence!)

30. Over-apply sunscreen. (I drive my monsters crazy with sun block. But since skin cancer runs in my family they are just going to have to suck it up)

31. Practice caution when approaching that stray raisin on the floor. It’s probably not a raisin. (I only laugh because this happened to my sister! Even worse, she thought her dog was about to eat chocolate  that Bitty dropped, sorry sis!)

32. Never pay full price for kids clothes. They always go on sale and the expensive ones inevitably get ruined first. (Yes, I’m guilty of paying full price a majority to the time. $300 less in our account after fall clothes shopping yesterday, eek! But I do love resale shops! Monsters grow so fast that 98% of the time the clothes are like new anyway and a fraction of the price. And that leaves more money to do fun things with our monsters!)

33. There’s a reason why people surprise their kids with trips to Disney: Their anticipation may kill you. (Note to self: DON’T tell the monsters when we plan this one)

34. Don’t take their word for it when children say they don’t need to pee before leaving the house. (Seriously, they are lying! Make them pee again!)

35. Lock your bedroom door. (I’m almost certain our monsters have a key to our bedroom either that or they are ninjas!)

36. And, your bathroom one. (I’m so thankful that I have a bedroom door between my monsters and my bathroom door. Though who am I kidding, I almost always have Bitty sitting in my lap! What mom gets to pee by them self really?)

37. Never open a can of soda handed to you by a child. (Thank God I don’t by soda, this fact made me cringe, ha ha)

38. Walk away from temper tantrums. Or, record them for future enjoyment. (I do both. But I am learning to not give in to the tantrums and noticing they are fewer and farer between since I’ve started this habit)

39. Upset as you may be, hair grows back. (and eyebrows too, don’t ask)

40. But, not on Barbie dolls, so hide the scissors. (Why do my monsters go for their own hair instead of the stinkin’ barbies?)

41. Never buy more than two pairs of shoes at once. Their feet will inevitably grow once you do. (I’m so guilty of this one!)

42. No matter how hard they promise, kids will never walk that puppy as much as you hoped. (FACT!!!)

43. Give away the books you can’t stand reading. (Why have I not thought of this before?)

44. No child went to college with a pacifier. (While it may drive a few folks crazy that Bitty still rocks hers, Matt & I are okay with it and so is her doctor!)

45. Don’t buy any toy that is meant to come apart, unless they can put it back together themselves. (Unless you have a lot of spare time to be a toy repairmen?)

46. Keep a well-hidden stock of lollipops. (please not the word HIDDEN!)

47. Don’t allow Play-Doh on carpets. Or, indoors, for that matter. (One of the many reasons I insisted on tile floors through the entire downstairs)
48. TV won’t really turn their brains to mush. (My monsters watch tv. But they also play and interact with others. I don’t mind tv here and there but I don’t go for the head in a game system all day and being rude to others that try to talk to you while doing so. Get out, be a kid, run around, use your imagination! I love the creativity of a child!)

49. A bathroom in a house with boys will never smell clean. (Until they have to clean it themselves! Insert evil laughter here!)

50. It doesn’t get easier.. (FACT! But at the same time, I wouldn’t have it any other way! These four lil monsters of ours is my greatest blessings even on the most chaotic of days!