I’m sure it’s safe to say anyone that read my blog a few weeks ago was witness to the chaos my husband and I went through with some of his family. Even though I have stopped blogging about it, the underlying issue is still there. Just because we haven’t said anything, doesn’t mean the stabs at us haven’t continued in another blog. Which leads me to this. Yes, much like the old saying about a train wreck, and not wanting to look but you still do, has been my case. I have continued to read the blogs by my husband’s step mother. I have continued to witness the stabs at us, mainly me, on a regular basis. Actually, they have come more frequently (though some eventually get deleted or edited multiple times) since it has been made known that we have seen it. Thankfully my husband has opted to stop reading her hatred weeks ago. But the train wreck effect has lead me to continue looking. There is that protective side of me that wants to say something. Makes me want to defend my husband and our children. To respond to the nonsense. But I refuse to give the satisfaction any longer. Needless to say, even without response, the frustration has lingered. It has only opened our eyes a little wider to the things we have tolerated for way too long. It has only ensured, that we absolutely are not crazy! Unfortunately, not everyone will ever see that side. We have no control over other people’s choices or views. Nor can we control who wants to be a part of our life. And so it is.

So where does that leave me now? I could continue the back and forth. I could continue to let things I have no control over hurt me. Or I could be the Christian I choose to be and just let go and let God! In our day to day life we try to teach our children through our actions. What am I teaching my children if I continue to let this consume me? With that said, forgiveness has been the hardest part of my faith to grasp. I know what God expects of me. I know what needs to be done. Some things just seem easier said than done. But anyone that knows me knows when I set my mind to something I will follow through! I will continue to remind myself, “if God leads me to it, he will lead me through it”.

I have done a lot of soul searching over the last few weeks. I have read a lot of scriptures. As well as inspirational quotes and PMA quotes. I know what I am capable of. And I think I am finally ready. It truly doesn’t matter what others think of me. I know I can’t change anyone’s thoughts or actions towards me. All I can do is change how I respond to said actions. After a ton of reading I have realized something about forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean I have to have a relationship with said person. I just need to forgive the hurt that I have been dealt. That I can do! I will let go of it. Six years of hurt will likely take time. But I will continue to read the scriptures & quotes that have lead me to where I stand now. I will continue to do what I have done since I last responded to the blog. I will continue to be the Christian, wife, mom, daughter, DIL, sister, SIL, Godmother, aunt, niece, cousin, and friend that I am. I will continue to love and back any of my husband’s decisions. I will continue to teach my children right from wrong and give them the unconditional love and support they deserve. I will continue to be myself and pray that anyone that doesn’t truly know me personally will not allow other’s thoughts cloud their view of me. I am far from perfect, nor do I claim to be. But I am absolutely not the person I have been made out to be.

So my journey of forgiveness begins today. For anyone else who may be in a similar situation or struggling with forgiveness, these are the Bible verses and quotes that have been helping me:“Matthew 6:14-15”“Luke 6:37”“Mark 11:25”“Colossians 3:13”“Ephesians 4:32”“Let go and let God!”“One of the happiest moments ever, is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.”“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you, and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”“God often removes people from your life for a reason.”“God knows who belongs in your life and who doesn’t. Trust and Let go. Whoever is meant to be there will still be there.”“God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be.”“Let it go. Forget the people who make you sad. Don’t let them affect you. But never forget what they taught you.”“When she finally learned how to let go of the things that didn’t matter, she discovered all of the things that really did.”“The hardest part about letting go is finally realizing that there wasn’t much left to hold on to.”“Forgiveness is letting go of the past”“Forgive. Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.”“Thank God for the family & friends that love you unconditionally just as YOU are!”